Neither does a randy dog.
The thing about proverbs is that they were coined for a reason -- or several good reasons.
Take this one about a leopard, for instance. I so want to challenge it but, hell, it is oh-so-true. Statistically speaking.
Never mind about my own experience. Take my friend, Sofia and her long-term relationship.
She has been involved with this son-of-B for more than a decade. I have told her to leave him. But she won't because -- well, she loves him and he loves her.
Now, before I mislead you. Let me be clear. Let's call her man, Rafael. Without a doubt, he loves her. Adores her.
He had quite a reputation before they got together and went rock-steady.
She believed and still does and that's because he convinced her -- that he is BASICALLY faithful to her and has been all these years.
Like me, she "caught" Rafael flirting - in every sense of the word -- in emails/smses/facebook -- with women, some of whom are known to her.
How did she know? Well, she said it's a small world. She was told by a young woman who did not know that Rafael was her man, that he's "gatal". His "messages" to her were always laced with flirtatious undertones. More like overtones. Very over the tone.
Sofia can be funny when she's angry.
How was he "gatal", I asked.
Oh, he's always sending signals like saying she's got sexy legs and let's have coffee at BSC blah blah blah. You'd think that he's footloose and fancy-free.
Another instance was when a mutual friend told Rafael in an email that she missed "you guys" at such-and-such a place as she had not been there in a long while, his reply was -- "you guys? why not just 'you'?". "You" is Rafael. If you know what I mean.
Hmmm....very familiar trick.
This mutual friend was wondering whether Sofia was still with Rafael, seeing that he's kinda giving her the come-on. She asked Sofia and told her why. In fact showed Sofia the message.
Sofia said that that was Rafael's way of being cute and sweet to friends. Inside, she was seething.
I told Sofia not to make a habit of believing people.
"But I saw the message," she retorted.
Anyway, she hissed, that's not the point. He flirts. He is "gatal".
Deep down, I wondered, whether she had known that all along.
Sofia said she never does these things that he is so prone to enjoy doing. She never flirts.
Thre's more.
He has called a certain woman, "sexy girl".
Another instance, he had made arrangements to "meet" an American friend.
Sofia did ask him about this American friend's visit. Whether he was in touch with her. He denied. Played dumb and was so cool about it.
Sofia knew about it because this American friend had also been emailing her and told her about Rafael's "offer to meet up".
So, why did he have to lie?
I told Sofia because a leopard never changes its spots.
"Then he is a liar. He swears he's never done all that. But behind me, he's flirting like a randy dog," she wept.
That's okay, Sofia. That randy dog loves you. And, most importantly, you love that randy dog.
But, if you find it in yourself, the strength to leave him -- DO IT!
Yeah, yeah...I'm a fine one to be preaching!
20 comments:
Very sad to know of this kind of situation.
I agree with Cik Nuraina that men are really very weak.
Imagine, if a man gets a flirtatious message from a woman, he will definitely "layan".
But when a woman gets that kind of message, it depends on the type of woman. The gatal type will layan while the not-gatal type will definitely think the man is gatal and will not layan.
Which means, unless a woman is gatal, she herself will not flirt.
But men....all flirt.
So, you cannot trust your man. In front of you, he is so sweet and cannot kill an ant, but behind you, he will sms here and there to this baby and that baby.
He pretends depan-depan only to deceive you so that you will not think that he is like all his friends. Becos he knows you think his friends are gatal becos they mengurat the women in front of you eventhough you know their wives but they know you are not the kind to gossip.
When you kutuk his friends, he makes it look like THEY are like that but not him.
Aaaah...you see. Men are so jahat. Ok-lah. Jahat is a strong word. Men are nakal. The good thing is, they are stupid and always will get caught. You don't have to tell them that you have proof that they menggatal and mengurat betina2, just give them a hint, and they will keep so quiet, so scared...they so frightened that you will bring up details and they cannot defend themselves.
Hai....Kak Datin knows all this-lah.
Hi there,
intesresting discussion here.
And wow...Nuriana discussing about love and infidelity.
Deep. Heavy. And discussed like someone who knows what she's talking about. I do however believe that there is some generalisation here.
Or perhaps, I do not know enough men or women to say much or to agree with your viewpoints.
I also know that there are women out there who are also unfaithful and flirt.
I respect and appreciate your views.
It does show that you guys are mixing with scums and bastards!
Be careful!
Cheers!
Hiya Witch,
You women are just too hard on us, men.
Nothing to do with weakness. Flirting isn't wrong if it does not lead to anything. It is harmless.
Hey, girls and women flirt with me too! But I don't think they are "gatal".
Give your man a break. If he loves you, he loves you.
Let me tell you something, don't push your man to far and too much.GIve him face.
Don't accuse him of something that is worse the actual act.
Trust me...
Stay calm. Say a prayer.
hey people,
Please don't give sofia the wrong advice. Why should she have to leave Rafael?
Has he done anything that deserves that kind of "punishment"?
Don't play counsellor when your advice can be counter-productive.
witch,
you seem to have friends in dire relationship. i read earlier about your friend, selena whose hubby/boyfriend treats her bas as well. tells her he loves her, and loves her good, but flirts.
and here is another friend of yours, sofia, in a similar situation.
i shan't pass judgment on either of them.
the truth is -- and i shall be crucified for saying this -- there are many many men like that.
and then I'm saved now: but not all men are like that.
witch and sofia and selena - i think men generally and basically define and view things differently. What's not ok with us, is ok with them and it is something we have to live with.
the point is, they see nothing wrong in flirting. and if it is harmless, i suppose we can let it pass. :)
but... you must never think, nay, believe that there is anything wrong with you.
i'm sure, witch, you are an attractive woman. and intelligent as are your friends.
take care....and if you are ever going to hang antonio, call me! :)
nuraina has retracted her earlier statement that men are generally weak. she thinks she was too hasty and unfair.
so i have published her revised comment.
don't underestimate the resourcefulness of women. i know what i'm saying because i got trapped. I kena, by my own girlfriend, the woman i love in the whole wide world.
she got her friend to go on my facebook. her friend i never met but very cun. so i ask one question becos i don't know her, she answered so i flirt-lah.
that was a trap. but to me it was harmless. i was not going to tackle her anything. just being nice but in a flirtatious way. it's a guy thing.
so, i kena-lah. cannot deny.
women! if you want to do something they are against, you better know how to cover your tracks!
nuraina,
you deleted your earlier 2 comments. what a shame. they were good! and you spoke from your heart.
i know i got screwed-up friends. but what to do? they are so in love with terrible men. selfish men.
you know - birds of a feather flock together. so we try to keep each other afloat, otherwise we all will drown --- :D
datin cantik,
i kinda agree that men are't that smart when it comes to cheating. they always get caught. i know becos i have caught antonio.
i must still be loving him. the day i leave him will be the day he's gone too far and i'm sure i'll make that adage "hell knows no fury...." come alive and burning and I'd not care if he disappears from the face of this earth! like, i'll make sure he suffers......revenge will be so so sweet.
oh...sorry....digressing.
theresa,
yes. theresa, we've been accused of falling for the wrong kind of men.
i remember a close relative told me off:"what's an attractive intelligent woman doing with a womanising drunkard like that?"
antonio is no a drunkard though he drinks. womanising becos he's kind of nice and friendly with women. This close relative swore that antonio was hitting on her.
that time antonio was innocent becos i was there. he was being his usual sweet self to women. she misread him.
anyway....overall..perhaps u are right. and maybe you're wrong.
wizard,
women will push only if they are pushed.
as someone said, men and women live by different definitions.
a man may have trysts with other women but they may mean nothing to him and may not have any bearing on his existing relationwhip with his woman or the love of his life.
but why trysts with women but when it comes to guys he'll tell them --"see u at the club (his regular watering hole)."
or when he is meeting guys, he'll bring along his woman but when he makes those secret arrangements with this facebook "friend" or that facebook "friend" (all women, mind you)....they are "secret" meetings he'd not tell his woman.
why the need to "network" that way? why so hush-hush?
i can answer that. becos he is scared to tell his woman becos he thinks she is jealous.
or you dont want these women to know that you're already so very attached!
all the deceit... becos this is what it is -- DECEIT.
it's a vicious cycle, wizard...you don't tell your woman and she gets suspicious...in the end YOU brew in your own stew!
and as my malay friend says PADAN MUKA!
cheers! and have a nice day!
suresh,
i agree, to an extent, that we shouldn't tell sofia to leave Rafael just becos of his little indiscretion, if you can call it that.
sofia's standards (in a relationship) are probably too high for some jerk like Rafael to meet.
He wants his cake and eat it. (actually i've never quite understood this saying..but whatever!)
but you know what....a man, over time in a relationship, wants to know that he is desirable and attractive.
you think he'd flirt with a someone who looks like frankenstein?
he'll try to flirt with a babe. even though his own woman is a babe.
but you must forgive them for their lack of thinking. sometimes they think with their balls. really. they can be so bright and intelligent but when it comes to the opposite sex...no matter how old they are, men wil turn into helpless randy dogs!
cheers, mate!
ms witch, you are right -- once a philandering bastard, always a philandering bastard. once a gatal horny jerk, always a gatal horny jerk.
I'm not being like perasan. but i think i fall under babe category.
i work in PR. so i meet people. the men, sure-lah nice to me. some very gatal. all are married.
but they are gatal in smses, emails. some ask whether i am in facebook. so they go into my facebook.
they are all the same-lah.
one guy i met with his wife or girlfriend -- not sure. with her she is so sweet and loving and very casual to me.
but in my facebook, he is alway like you say, coming on. not very terang-terang...but give me the feeling that if i layan, he will layan.
like he asks a question. very innocent. i jawab and then his reply sure got something gatal. maybe a word or maybe a hint. like that-lah.
this man i think middle-aged lah. if i say his name, you all sure know.
but he is gatal.
so for a babe like me...depend on the man if i want to layan. if he is young and handsome and got potential, sure i layan. if he is not handsome also, but got potential, i also layan.
but if he already married or attached, or tua like over 40...heh heh heh....he better look in the mirror-lah. if i layan him becos i humour him only. kesian.
madam witch, sofia and selina,
you all seem to be in a lot of pain. so much unhappiness in you.
free yourselves. free yourselves..
it is not too late.
this is a very susah subject to discuss. if i talk about my darling, you all think i am boasting.
my darling is very faithful to me. he never looks at another woman. i am myself pretty. quite jelita. men will give lok again when i past them. now, these men are nakal. they sometimes have their wife walking beside them yet they want to lok at me.
but my darling never look at anyone. he sumpah he loves me and he sumpah he never main other wanita.
i percaya him.
but now, you all sudah make me pikir whether he got secret life i tak tahu...
we can go on and on discussing this.
men are no saints. we know that. neither are women. there are more men out there who cannot remain faithful to ONE woman. A woman - married or attached - on the other hand, may find herself in a "illicit' relationship. most would try to get out the mess either by leaving the "official" liaison or the illicit one. because she can really only be true to one.
aah..men...they get their hands dirty and when they are caught, they try to quickly delete, wipe out, destroy all the incriminating evidence which, by the way, we would have already "recorded".
then. it makes you wonder...he is really really scared because he knows he has done something really really wrong.
oh..so stupid, they are.
i'm a babe: hahaha...
let me see, does this old gatal guy's name starts with * and he is a *??
never mind.
you are right. sometimes these dirty old men -- those over 40, with white hair, wrinkles and potbelly -- looks silly trying to convince themselves that they've still got it! quite pathetic.
i suppose applies to the old broads too, huh. we cannot discriminate.
well, take care and humour them, girl...the least you can do or else their ego maybe bruised and they'd attempt suicide.
ikan duyung,
your darling may well be very faithful to you.
you will never know, rally, whether he's been up to no good.
some women ar instinctive. and like me, I was proven right.
but don't try to find out if you feel you cannot take what you may not want to know in the first place.
for me, i don't work on mere suspicions. i must really know somehow, my instinct, that he's been up to something.
then i set to find the proof. i no longer ask him if he did it. the point is, i already know.
you see, i no longer trust antonio. ask him anything now, and he'll say --"would i do that? would i layan that kind of girl? what do you think i am?"
i used to believe that he wouldn't. becos he'd madke me feel so bad that i would think of him like that.
but after having seen that the kind of messages he's been exchanging with some women (i know some of them), i think he's worse than his friends. at least they don't pretend.
so...you know what you should and should not do.
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