Sometimes I think our love is dead. No fire in our belly. Just a flicker in our hearts.
I remember those early days when we were so in love. When he was in love with me, and I with him.
He used to tell me that ours would be the greatest love story ever. I used to believe it too.
Does time make a relationship stronger or allow it to wane?
You could tell when a man changes. He gets easily distracted. He begins to tell little fibs, and says them with flair.
He begins to turn very private. He has women friends whom you do not know, you have never met, and you possibly never will. He'll be sure to keep them away from you.
Then he begins to break his promises. With ease.
There was a time I thought Antonio was the best-est of them all. Because he showed to me that he was.
I am trying to find out where we have gone wrong. Where I have gone wrong.
Sometimes I let my fertile imagination run wild. I hate myself for that.
Antonio tries, of course to reassure me.
Yeah, yeah. He says he still loves me. And very much too.
Sometimes I think I am paranoid. Other times I am convinced he is a bastard.
It was not too long ago that we had so much to talk about.
These days, when we are sitting together, he'd be playing with his little gizmo, smsing and I am always thinking he is responding to smeses from that woman he had more than an interest in back in 2004/05. Paranoia? Perhaps.
But, well, once bitten....
While he plays with his little gizmo they call a mobile phone, I'd be reading the newspapers or something. We'd talk, yeah, but never like before.
There are things I cannot ask him about. He'd just switch off.
I know I am painting such a bad picture of Antonio. And that's not fair.
Perhaps I am a little down tonight. Or rather, this morning.
Antonio and I have friends who seem to be in unhappy relationships/marriages. Sometimes we see them cheat on their partners.
He'd tell me that there are men and there are men. Loosely translated it means that he aint like that, baby.
How I, like a ninny, believed him.
Oh well. We all can be stupid sometimes.
But you gotta learn not to be. I wish it was that easy to do.
19 comments:
My dear Witchy Sister,
Okay I am no expert in love, often I am a victim. However, I must share this with you with hope that I will shed a light onto your path.
My wise grandmother said (I translated)
"the thing with love is that, you can feel it. You can feel the fire, sparks and crazy butterflies in your stomach when you first met. You can feel it as it grows subtle and more dignified. You can feel it when it matures. And absolutely can feel it as it dies You can feel the changes in love."
What I am saying is that Sister, you are one brave woman for having the courage to spell out what you exactly feel.
In time to come, I stongly believe, you can feel it - what is best for you.
elviza dear,
thank you for your input. i appreciate it a lot.
I suppose in life, nothing is predictable nor permanent.
thanks again
Hello Witchy woman
Once bitten, twice shy...
I had my fair share. Even now that I am married, some so-called friends do the same thing. It is something we risk when we form a relationship with anyone. Of course, it becomes more painful when that relationship is one close to heart. One whom we let someone in to our most vulnerable being.
Just like Elviza, I am no expert either. I have been burned many times. I got up, applied whatever lotions I needed, and moved on. Some scars still remain. Most of the time, trust becomes the core issue. I was burned so badly back in my mid-20s, I did not trust men for many years. Then I realised that if I did not embrace that issue that kept stopping me from moving on, I would remain stagnant in my misery.
Witchy lady, you sound like a go-getter and 'throw caution to the wind' kind of person. Please don't let past hurts rule your life. Easier said than done but it will help.
I am not saying that we are supposed to trust 100%. I believe that is like going into something blindly. But please don't let mistrust drive you to paranoia and insanity. That state of mind ruined some of my relationships in the past.
I like what Elviza said - in time, you can feel love and what is best for you. :)
JT,
you know I am trying. The problem with me is that I don't forgive easily and to forget, even harder.
Perhaps because i place such a high premium on fidelity and commitment and, of course, trust.
I maybe a go getter, so modern, so everything. and, while we're at it, why do people think that women like me can and will so easily tolerate infidelity etc etc..
I hold on to all this in love.
So, I expect my man to reciprocate. It's also about respect.
I know I will never ask Antonio about that time he was cheating on me, so to speak, his sms/email relationship with that girl.
Oh, he'd deny it. He'd never admit. SO what's the point.
How do I know he had something going? I wouldn't if I was not told that he had used some very intimate terms of endearment known only to me and him.
Well, she must have blabbered about his smses.
Oh...well. I can't trust him, that's for sure.
And I despise him (well, not despise despise) for making me believe that he was diferent from the rest of the pack.
They're all the same. A question of degree.
Oh my dear Witchy lady
You either tolerate infidelity or you don't. You either trust someone or you don't.
Some tolerate because they want to give the relationship a chance because of love. You want to believe love will conquer all things. It does, when it is reciprocated.
I am not here to give any self-righteous views. Please understand that. I am speaking from a couple of bitter experiences. The pain of not knowing what he was up to. The denials, the dodgings, etc.
When a man has cheated on you and you do not feel respected anymore, you really have to ask yourself if you want to continue with that charade.
Some people stay in those kind of relationships because of the years they invested in the relationship. Some stay for the sake of children. Everyone has their reasons.
I am not advocating any breakup or tolerance. No one can make that decision except yourself.
For a start, you can prove to people that you are not the kind of woman who will tolerate infidelity, etc.
I wish you strength and happiness in your life because you deserve it. :)
JT,
Oh... how I wish it is that easy. That I can wish it all away. I can wish certain episodes in my mind to just disappear and I don;t have any recollections of anything in the past.
sometimes i wsih i could wish him away.
love does silly things to people. my problem is that i see not only his ugly side but his wonderful side which is, yeah, a little heavier there.
thanks, JT... sound advice there.
You're back! I checked you out quite frequently a few months ago but there were no updates so I thought you must've gone and lived happily ever after.
I don’t know how long you’ve been out with Mr. Antonio Sabato Jnr. (never liked Banderas) but here’s a little tip. If you wanna’ know how your man is really like, pay attention to his close friends. If they’re a bunch of lying, cheating scoundrels, chances are he’s not going to be a saint.
I think a lot of times, women read too much into things or are too emotional. I seriously think that it’s a protection mechanism that God gave them. Similar to the ability to walk for hours in high heels.
Sometimes when I’m eating my crisps and watching House, my wife would want a cuddle. If I don’t, she’d say that I don’t love her anymore. MAN! I really think she’s jealous of my potato chips.
I do empathise with you though cos’ I know how you feel. Once someone betrays your trust, you might forgive but you don’t forget.
Also, don't beat yourself up over it. You're not the one that should be defending yourself.
If you really must know, hire a private detective. It’s all the rage over here but be careful what you wish for. Does he piss you off enough for you to call it off? That's what it'll boil down to in a worst case scenario.
I hope I'm not being rude or insensitive here but I have a good friend that I've grown up with whose parents are divorced and his mum see other people but don't go on to remarry. All she wants is companionship. I've learnt from my friend that there is a difference between companionship, being married and being bf/gf. Do you guys know what you want?
hey witch... how are you?
well, sometimes, love just aint enough. but i know it's tough to actually give it up... thus we hold on. though we get burned... we should not let go of love and life and must choose to live again...
hey hey hey flaminglambo,
yeah...really missed you here.
i know i know... no updates. I can say the same to you, man. You were not updating.
Anyways, glad to "see" you here. see i have blogrolled you so that i can just click on you whenever.
yeah, yeah.. i'm listening, i'm listening. good tip...but..
oh no! his friends are my friends. they're nice guys but, oh boy, oh boy....they are F A R, very very very far from saints. If they weren't my buddies, i'd hang them by their bXXXs! I swear.
private eye? i did fantasize about that. but i dropped the idea.
i mean i don't NOT trust him so rabidly, y'know what I'm saying.
But, hey, you really got me upbeat with all this.
and yeah...your wife so very jealous of the potato chips. that made me laugh so loud, I must have twisted my sides.
And hell, man... no way were you rude or insensitive. i appreciate your honesty,and really, for the time. and i suppose there is a difference between companionship, being married and gf/bf.. otherwise, how do we explain all those extra-relationships.
take care and so nice to hear from you!
FLambo: hahaaa.... happily ever after?
well.... not quite ever after. and happy is relative, non?
But that is really really cute. and i mean it in the nicest way!
Hi Zewt.
I am fine. How are you? Haven't heard from you in a while.
But I do visit your blog, you know.
I don't leave a comment because you are so so so popular, so overwhelming for me. so i read only, and laugh. I so enjoy your blog. ok ok...i will leave a comment the next time i visit you.
As you've noticed, our old pal, Flaminglambo just sent in a comment. I missed him,cso I popped over his blog to see if he was still up and about.
And he so sweet..he responded pronto.
anyway...you're right. love just aint enough. but we can't just give up on love so easily.
Thanks for visiting, zewt.
Hi Witchy Sister,
Elviza told me to check out your blog, to find a strength or two in surviving a failed marriage.
I found plenty!
Misery does love company I guess. Keep writing :-)
ari,
ooh that elviza!!
well...any friend of dear sis elviza is a friend of mine.
i am so sorry to know about your marriage (that was).
i was married before and that marriage failed. because of oh, this and that. but mainly because of a third party (dearie me, don't look at me, luv...i wasn't the one cavorting with my staff)
anyway, let me not grate your pain further.
thank you for visiting. hope to see u again.
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