Just a Flicker. Where's the Fire?

Sometimes I think our love is dead. No fire in our belly. Just a flicker in our hearts.
I remember those early days when we were so in love. When he was in love with me, and I with him.
He used to tell me that ours would be the greatest love story ever. I used to believe it too.
Does time make a relationship stronger or allow it to wane?
You could tell when a man changes. He gets easily distracted. He begins to tell little fibs, and says them with flair.
He begins to turn very private. He has women friends whom you do not know, you have never met, and you possibly never will. He'll be sure to keep them away from you.
Then he begins to break his promises. With ease.
There was a time I thought Antonio was the best-est of them all. Because he showed to me that he was.
I am trying to find out where we have gone wrong. Where I have gone wrong.
Sometimes I let my fertile imagination run wild. I hate myself for that.
Antonio tries, of course to reassure me.
Yeah, yeah. He says he still loves me. And very much too.
Sometimes I think I am paranoid. Other times I am convinced he is a bastard.
It was not too long ago that we had so much to talk about.
These days, when we are sitting together, he'd be playing with his little gizmo, smsing and I am always thinking he is responding to smeses from that woman he had more than an interest in back in 2004/05. Paranoia? Perhaps.
But, well, once bitten....
While he plays with his little gizmo they call a mobile phone, I'd be reading the newspapers or something. We'd talk, yeah, but never like before.
There are things I cannot ask him about. He'd just switch off.
I know I am painting such a bad picture of Antonio. And that's not fair.
Perhaps I am a little down tonight. Or rather, this morning.
Antonio and I have friends who seem to be in unhappy relationships/marriages. Sometimes we see them cheat on their partners.
He'd tell me that there are men and there are men. Loosely translated it means that he aint like that, baby.
How I, like a ninny, believed him.
Oh well. We all can be stupid sometimes.
But you gotta learn not to be. I wish it was that easy to do.

Why and Why?

Can we ask God to help us stop loving someone because loving him brings more pain and hurt, because he loves you less now, because he is not the person you fell in love with, because he lies, because he has been unfaithful and because he has been breaking promises he made to you?
Why can't you cease to love someone when he loves you less than you love him?
Do I sound pathetic?
I wish emotions are something we can control.
Why can't we love with our head and not our heart? A little bit of both, maybe. Perhaps, when the heart cannot see the right in a situation, the head can take over.
Do you not wish sometimes that, with a snap of your fingers, you can decide to leave the supposed love of your life?
Do you not wish that you had made that decision 10 years ago when you met him and when he wooed you? Because you did not believe the "stories"you heard about him.
Do you not wish that you had trusted your instinct instead of falling so madly in love with him only to realise about 6 years later that you were really mad for falling in love because he turned out to be such a lying scum?
Why does love make women asinine and brainless?

Poisonous Greens

Shoot! We can't trust our farmers no more.
This is so not good.
I love veges. I load my plate with lots of 'em. I love the rainbow colours of vegetables.
I love spinach, mustard greens, kai lan, beans, cabbages....and salads -- the Mat Salleh or Malay variety. Just love them.
And now this?
I wash my greens. But if they've been tainted with poison or toxic chemicals, washing them won't guarantee that the washed greens are free of poison.
You know what is the problem? Enforcement and checks.
We are so not in this game.
Mad traffic, congested roads, speedhogs, landslides, floods, horrid public toilets, crumbling (almost) buildings.....
And yes HORRID taxi drivers/cabbies.
Half of our government officers have been overseas on holiday or work. Have they not learnt anything from their stint overseas, their holiday abroad?
God help us! For we cannot help ourselves. Meow!