In my previous relationship, my ex-husband fell in love with me not just for my looks (whatever that was), my intelligence (yeah, yeah, whatever...) but also for my personality (whatever that was).
I remember he said he liked my S T R O N G personality, my sense of independence, my self-reliance.
He thought I was real smart.
I thought I was normal smart.
I was, of course, all that and everything he wanted in a woman.
But, hey, he met me when I was all of 22 -- had graduated, started work and about to go abroad for graduate studies.
Of course, this is usually the case --- he became tired of those very "qualities" he fell for earlier in our relationship.
I suppose, the novelty just died.
Men just don't like assertive women. Or qualities they perceive to be assertiveness.
Sometimes, they can't tell the difference between assertiveness and arrogance in women.
For an interesting read, check this out.
And perhaps, you'd want to know the 15 things that scare a man. It's here. Meow.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Saturday, March 10, 2007
SOUL MAN OR SOUL MATE
Is the man you're marrying your soul mate?
If he is, does that mean you'd have a good marriage, one that lasts and lasts, forever and ever?
I've always thought that if I'd want to marry someone, he's got to be my soul mate because we'd understand each other so well that we would get everything right most times.
He'd know what would hurt me and I'd know what would hurt him.
That would be a damn good foundation for a marriage.
But, wait.... can someone tell me what a soul mate is? My own definition is that of someone who knows my soul, someone I feel so connected to.......
Read more about soulmates. Perhaps you will find your definition somewhere there. Meow.
If he is, does that mean you'd have a good marriage, one that lasts and lasts, forever and ever?
I've always thought that if I'd want to marry someone, he's got to be my soul mate because we'd understand each other so well that we would get everything right most times.
He'd know what would hurt me and I'd know what would hurt him.
That would be a damn good foundation for a marriage.
But, wait.... can someone tell me what a soul mate is? My own definition is that of someone who knows my soul, someone I feel so connected to.......
Read more about soulmates. Perhaps you will find your definition somewhere there. Meow.
Friday, March 9, 2007
FOR JUST A MOMENT
For just a moment
I’m sure I saw
a flicker of light ahead.
Perhaps it was your smile.
Though past now,
remembered,
in my heart
like the small sound of
a butterfly passing by.
No night
is so dark
that can not be brightened
with memories of you.
Raindrops carry along
your blessings from heaven
to wash away my tears
by Brenda Penepent
I’m sure I saw
a flicker of light ahead.
Perhaps it was your smile.
Though past now,
remembered,
in my heart
like the small sound of
a butterfly passing by.
No night
is so dark
that can not be brightened
with memories of you.
Raindrops carry along
your blessings from heaven
to wash away my tears
by Brenda Penepent
Thursday, March 8, 2007
FOR WOMEN
Today, we, women of the world, are celebrating the International Women's Day!Friends, let me quote Virginia Woolf:
"If women had no existence save in the fiction written by men, one would imagine her a person of the utmost importance; very various; heroic and mean; splendid and sordid; infinitely beautiful and hideous in the extreme; as great as a man, some think even greater."
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
TRYING
God Almighty,
Give me the strength
To walk away
Show me the path
To walk away
Help
Unshackle
Me
It is
Time
Give me the strength
To walk away
Show me the path
To walk away
Help
Unshackle
Me
It is
Time
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
I WAS ON AIR!
I was driving my car this morning with Simon and Caroline of Light Fm on the radio. I like them. I think they are unpretentious, sensible, engaging and smart.
They speak well without that affected accent.
Just as I had always liked Richard and Shaz of MixFM. Sob sob... they're no longer on the morning show. I miss them.
Anyway, I was listening to Simon and Caroline's chat and banter, on the subject of going on holiday alone. You know, solo.
Caroline (I think she must be a card-carrying member of a neo-feminist militant group) as always, had her own view of why she thought that there was absolutely nothing wrong with anyone going on holiday alone without their partner or spouse.
Simon, the nice family man that he is, said for him holidays should be spent with one's family. This guy practises what he preaches. There's nothing like a good holiday with your wife and kids around you, he said.
Aah, Simon. I love you. A man after my own heart.
Then, since they had their own differing views, Simon decided to open the subject to listeners' discussion.
Now, there had been many a time I wanted to dial 03-95433333 to give my 2 cents worth on a subject they were on.
Like the other day, on using handphones while driving. I think so many people missed the point. One guy, though articulate, missed the point on why motorists are an incorrigible lot and have no qualms in using handphones when they know it is - 1. hazardous on the road, and 2. illegal to do so.
Oh, he went on about handphones being an extension of people's arms because they are no longer an accessory but tools on which we have become so dependent and accustomed to.
Yada yada yada.
Bollocks! I wanted to just call and say : Hey, mister. Use the handsfree-lah. And people use their handphone while driving because they know they can get away with it. That simple. If our enforcement of traffic regulations was strict, uncompromising, efficient and effective, no one would dare use their handphone while driving.
Simon was spot on when he quite kindly told a lady who complained that she stopped using handsfree sets because they are useless. The ones she had bought always lasted a short while and damaged after that. She had bought so many already.
"Buy original-lah", Simon quipped.
Hell YES! That will solve your problem, lady.
I am so digressing here.
On the solo holiday issue -- I pulled over by the road and searched for the number in my phone. Hahaha.... yes, I have the number set in my Ericsson.
I turned off the radio. I think you're supposed to do that, yes?
At first, it was busy. Of course, I didn't think I could be lucky.
Tried again, just for the heck of it. It rang and WHOA! Simon was on the other line. I gave my name. I could hear Caroline prodding me for a response to her question.
So I said -- no no, I don't agree with either moi or mon amour going for a solo holiday.
What for? We both travel -- separately -- in the course of our work. And it may be work, but we had often found ourselves touring the country we were in, on our own or with fellow participants. There had been times we went around foreign cities and towns on our own.
And many a time, I would wish that mon amour was with me. I believe he had felt such too.
I am not saying there is anything wrong but I wouldn't want mon amour to go alone.
Then Caroline said it is a question of trust. Yeah yeah. Trust, whatever.
But I know men, I remarked. And both laughed. Simon said, not true-lah, because he is a man,
You see, all this said with time constraint because it was a minute before 8am. I was the last caller.
But what I could not say was this -- to Simon, I wanted to tell him -- My point exactly. He believes in holidaying with his family, right? Now, the day he tells his wife that he'd want to go holiday alone, she should be suspicious. I am sorry but I would be pretty suspicious because it isn't like him to want that -- unless, unless......
The day I tell Antonio that I want to go on holiday without him is the day, he had better be worried because I am telling him that I need to get away from him. Vice versa, I am sure.
Heck, years ago, without a man, I'd not think twice about going hitchhiking to South America or Europe. Or Tibet or Nepal.
Now, why would I want to do all that if I had a man I love with whom I could share glorious moments? Why would I want to go anywhere without him.
You know. I love my own company. I love being alone sometimes. But enjoying sights and sounds alone? Hmmm., no.
And to Caroline, I wanted to say this: Caroline, there is nothing wrong in going for holidays alone. To each her own, I always say. But, if you were my friend, the only time I'd advise you to take a break and go somewhere alone-- to Bali, Sardinia, Spain, Greece or wherever there's sun, sea and loads of hunky men -- is when you had come to tell me that you're going through a bad break-up or divorce.
That you needed to be alone.
And that goes for Simon too. Meow.
They speak well without that affected accent.
Just as I had always liked Richard and Shaz of MixFM. Sob sob... they're no longer on the morning show. I miss them.
Anyway, I was listening to Simon and Caroline's chat and banter, on the subject of going on holiday alone. You know, solo.
Caroline (I think she must be a card-carrying member of a neo-feminist militant group) as always, had her own view of why she thought that there was absolutely nothing wrong with anyone going on holiday alone without their partner or spouse.
Simon, the nice family man that he is, said for him holidays should be spent with one's family. This guy practises what he preaches. There's nothing like a good holiday with your wife and kids around you, he said.
Aah, Simon. I love you. A man after my own heart.
Then, since they had their own differing views, Simon decided to open the subject to listeners' discussion.
Now, there had been many a time I wanted to dial 03-95433333 to give my 2 cents worth on a subject they were on.
Like the other day, on using handphones while driving. I think so many people missed the point. One guy, though articulate, missed the point on why motorists are an incorrigible lot and have no qualms in using handphones when they know it is - 1. hazardous on the road, and 2. illegal to do so.
Oh, he went on about handphones being an extension of people's arms because they are no longer an accessory but tools on which we have become so dependent and accustomed to.
Yada yada yada.
Bollocks! I wanted to just call and say : Hey, mister. Use the handsfree-lah. And people use their handphone while driving because they know they can get away with it. That simple. If our enforcement of traffic regulations was strict, uncompromising, efficient and effective, no one would dare use their handphone while driving.
Simon was spot on when he quite kindly told a lady who complained that she stopped using handsfree sets because they are useless. The ones she had bought always lasted a short while and damaged after that. She had bought so many already.
"Buy original-lah", Simon quipped.
Hell YES! That will solve your problem, lady.
I am so digressing here.
On the solo holiday issue -- I pulled over by the road and searched for the number in my phone. Hahaha.... yes, I have the number set in my Ericsson.
I turned off the radio. I think you're supposed to do that, yes?
At first, it was busy. Of course, I didn't think I could be lucky.
Tried again, just for the heck of it. It rang and WHOA! Simon was on the other line. I gave my name. I could hear Caroline prodding me for a response to her question.
So I said -- no no, I don't agree with either moi or mon amour going for a solo holiday.
What for? We both travel -- separately -- in the course of our work. And it may be work, but we had often found ourselves touring the country we were in, on our own or with fellow participants. There had been times we went around foreign cities and towns on our own.
And many a time, I would wish that mon amour was with me. I believe he had felt such too.
I am not saying there is anything wrong but I wouldn't want mon amour to go alone.
Then Caroline said it is a question of trust. Yeah yeah. Trust, whatever.
But I know men, I remarked. And both laughed. Simon said, not true-lah, because he is a man,
You see, all this said with time constraint because it was a minute before 8am. I was the last caller.
But what I could not say was this -- to Simon, I wanted to tell him -- My point exactly. He believes in holidaying with his family, right? Now, the day he tells his wife that he'd want to go holiday alone, she should be suspicious. I am sorry but I would be pretty suspicious because it isn't like him to want that -- unless, unless......
The day I tell Antonio that I want to go on holiday without him is the day, he had better be worried because I am telling him that I need to get away from him. Vice versa, I am sure.
Heck, years ago, without a man, I'd not think twice about going hitchhiking to South America or Europe. Or Tibet or Nepal.
Now, why would I want to do all that if I had a man I love with whom I could share glorious moments? Why would I want to go anywhere without him.
You know. I love my own company. I love being alone sometimes. But enjoying sights and sounds alone? Hmmm., no.
And to Caroline, I wanted to say this: Caroline, there is nothing wrong in going for holidays alone. To each her own, I always say. But, if you were my friend, the only time I'd advise you to take a break and go somewhere alone-- to Bali, Sardinia, Spain, Greece or wherever there's sun, sea and loads of hunky men -- is when you had come to tell me that you're going through a bad break-up or divorce.
That you needed to be alone.
And that goes for Simon too. Meow.
CHANGING SPOTS?
I can honestly say that the difference between Antonio and I is that I would never have to lie. I have never lied to him and never will.
I can't say the same for him. And he knows it.
Can a leopard change its spots? Meow.
I can't say the same for him. And he knows it.
Can a leopard change its spots? Meow.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
BAD BOYS
Okay. Let's own up here.
How many of us have fallen for that macho hunk who's anything but the boy next door? You know, you'd rather die than take him home to mom?
Yep.Thought so.When I was young-er, all my boyfriends had big bikes, wore leather jackets, smoked... oh you know, the whole works. But not all of them were bad.
Hunky men on big bikes are not necesarily bad boys. But your parents wouldn't be so quick to bless the "union".
But, let's talk about the real bad boys. The real McCoy.
Are they the eternal temptation? Many women think so because these boys make them feel good, according to a love expert by the name of Pat (what else) Love.
It's been found that they do make us feel good. But, women are so blinded by what these boys really are. Also it's got to do with our genetic make-up.
That's why we find them so irresistible because generally, most bad boys are handsome and elusive which is the attraction.
According to Ms Love who authored two books on love and relationship, this is largely a societal issue.
" We are programmed by our culture to think that chemistry is love. We are constantly stimulated by work, television, shopping, and we tend to move on if we're not excited. Also, some women's brains are wired to interpret anger and petulance as love because of their early negative experiences with men."
Wow! Ain't that something? I didn't know that, Ms Love.
Indeed, she has her own ideas and perception of the issue. Check this out.
Q: Why is it dangerous to be with a bad boy?
Pat Love: Well, they're unreliable. They don't feel an obligation to have a relationship. It's important to understand that when a woman has sex, she releases oxytocin and bonds with her partner.
Oxytocin is called the "snuggle chemical." It triggers orgasm, but it's also released when a mother breast-feeds. It makes you feel close and connected and vulnerable.
The effects of oxytocin are offset by testosterone, so a high-testosterone person doesn't bond from having sex. And there you have it: Bad boys don't get attached!
They say all these wonderful things, and you get this chemical rush that lowers your defenses. But he could be gone the next day. He could lose interest
And there are bad girls too, says Ms Love.
Pat Love: Oh yes, there are bad girls. They're usually very attractive women who feel entitled. They're used to getting everything, and they know how to work a crowd.
Pat Love warns women who keep falling for bad boys that there's this illusion, especially for young women - that there will always be men available.
"And the problem is, the more you go through the revolving door of infatuation, the less powerful it is.
"You build up a tolerance to it. If you're going to get a good guy, then you better be watching earlier in life. Don't waste your eggs! Because it's easy to overlook someone when you're wired to be attracted to bad boys.
"And if you sit around, waiting for someone to knock your socks off like that first love, then you're going to wait a long time.
Well, this article was quite a revelation. You can either believe her or take everything she says with that teeny weeny bit of salt. Still, it has made me think a lot. Still thinking. Meow.
How many of us have fallen for that macho hunk who's anything but the boy next door? You know, you'd rather die than take him home to mom?
Yep.Thought so.When I was young-er, all my boyfriends had big bikes, wore leather jackets, smoked... oh you know, the whole works. But not all of them were bad.
Hunky men on big bikes are not necesarily bad boys. But your parents wouldn't be so quick to bless the "union".
But, let's talk about the real bad boys. The real McCoy.
Are they the eternal temptation? Many women think so because these boys make them feel good, according to a love expert by the name of Pat (what else) Love.
It's been found that they do make us feel good. But, women are so blinded by what these boys really are. Also it's got to do with our genetic make-up.
That's why we find them so irresistible because generally, most bad boys are handsome and elusive which is the attraction.
According to Ms Love who authored two books on love and relationship, this is largely a societal issue.
" We are programmed by our culture to think that chemistry is love. We are constantly stimulated by work, television, shopping, and we tend to move on if we're not excited. Also, some women's brains are wired to interpret anger and petulance as love because of their early negative experiences with men."
Wow! Ain't that something? I didn't know that, Ms Love.
Indeed, she has her own ideas and perception of the issue. Check this out.
Q: Why is it dangerous to be with a bad boy?
Pat Love: Well, they're unreliable. They don't feel an obligation to have a relationship. It's important to understand that when a woman has sex, she releases oxytocin and bonds with her partner.
Oxytocin is called the "snuggle chemical." It triggers orgasm, but it's also released when a mother breast-feeds. It makes you feel close and connected and vulnerable.
The effects of oxytocin are offset by testosterone, so a high-testosterone person doesn't bond from having sex. And there you have it: Bad boys don't get attached!
They say all these wonderful things, and you get this chemical rush that lowers your defenses. But he could be gone the next day. He could lose interest
And there are bad girls too, says Ms Love.
Pat Love: Oh yes, there are bad girls. They're usually very attractive women who feel entitled. They're used to getting everything, and they know how to work a crowd.
Pat Love warns women who keep falling for bad boys that there's this illusion, especially for young women - that there will always be men available.
"And the problem is, the more you go through the revolving door of infatuation, the less powerful it is.
"You build up a tolerance to it. If you're going to get a good guy, then you better be watching earlier in life. Don't waste your eggs! Because it's easy to overlook someone when you're wired to be attracted to bad boys.
"And if you sit around, waiting for someone to knock your socks off like that first love, then you're going to wait a long time.
Well, this article was quite a revelation. You can either believe her or take everything she says with that teeny weeny bit of salt. Still, it has made me think a lot. Still thinking. Meow.
Friday, March 2, 2007
12 DATING RED FLAGS
Here's an interesting piece!
Ladies and gentlemen, please read Michael Shnayerson’s 12-step program for avoiding romantic tragedy: the relationship red flags. The heart you save may be your own.
Not long ago, I met a very attractive single mother of two at a dinner party in Sag Harbor, New York. We were seated next to each other-a "soft" setup-and by dessert, we were punctuating our stories with little touches: her hand on my forearm, mine on hers. Good signs.
Then the first of her two children, a boy of about ten, descended from an upstairs TV room. In each hand he clutched an action figure. This in itself was not disconcerting. It was the way he slammed the action figures into each other, his upper lip curled in a sneer, that gave me pause-that, and the adoring look his mother chose to bestow on him as he did.
Still, D-, the boy's mother, was definitely worth a follow-up. A few days later, I drove over to the waterfront inn where she had encamped with her children for a brief summer vacation. The plan was a swim in the inn's pool, then lunch at a nearby restaurant: a little ersatz family outing. D- ushered me into her room and announced the obvious fact of my arrival to her children.
Neither the boy nor his sister, two years older, looked over from the droning television. Not a word emanated from either one's lips. D- told them to turn off the television and change into their swimsuits. They ignored her. So D- pretended she hadn't asked them, and went into the bedroom to change. Only when the grownups started to leave did the children drag themselves, sluglike, behind us.
Lunch was worse
The swim was bad enough, with both children glowering at the grownups from their pool chairs. But lunch was worse. No sooner had the waiter taken our order than the girl seized one of the action figures from her brother's fist and threw it across the restaurant. The boy screamed in outrage, hit his sister with the other action figure, then ran over to get the first one so he could hit her with that, too. As the sister returned fire with her fists, I turned to see what D- would do. "Now, come on, children," she said gently, lovingly, pleadingly. "Now, come on ...."
I did ask her out on one more date, hoping her demon children would be more agreeable.
Ten years (and one marriage) ago, I would have excused all this somehow, put it aside, and pressed on with a next date, because the mother, after all, was hot. No more. Well, all right, to be perfectly honest, I did ask her out on one more date, hoping her demon children would be more agreeable in their city home. They weren't. So that was that. After decades of ignoring red flags, only to sail into disaster each time, I've finally realized that no matter how gorgeous and alluring the new stranger is, you have to quit when a red flag goes up. As soon as it goes up.
Full article here Meow.
Ladies and gentlemen, please read Michael Shnayerson’s 12-step program for avoiding romantic tragedy: the relationship red flags. The heart you save may be your own.
Not long ago, I met a very attractive single mother of two at a dinner party in Sag Harbor, New York. We were seated next to each other-a "soft" setup-and by dessert, we were punctuating our stories with little touches: her hand on my forearm, mine on hers. Good signs.
Then the first of her two children, a boy of about ten, descended from an upstairs TV room. In each hand he clutched an action figure. This in itself was not disconcerting. It was the way he slammed the action figures into each other, his upper lip curled in a sneer, that gave me pause-that, and the adoring look his mother chose to bestow on him as he did.
Still, D-, the boy's mother, was definitely worth a follow-up. A few days later, I drove over to the waterfront inn where she had encamped with her children for a brief summer vacation. The plan was a swim in the inn's pool, then lunch at a nearby restaurant: a little ersatz family outing. D- ushered me into her room and announced the obvious fact of my arrival to her children.
Neither the boy nor his sister, two years older, looked over from the droning television. Not a word emanated from either one's lips. D- told them to turn off the television and change into their swimsuits. They ignored her. So D- pretended she hadn't asked them, and went into the bedroom to change. Only when the grownups started to leave did the children drag themselves, sluglike, behind us.
Lunch was worse
The swim was bad enough, with both children glowering at the grownups from their pool chairs. But lunch was worse. No sooner had the waiter taken our order than the girl seized one of the action figures from her brother's fist and threw it across the restaurant. The boy screamed in outrage, hit his sister with the other action figure, then ran over to get the first one so he could hit her with that, too. As the sister returned fire with her fists, I turned to see what D- would do. "Now, come on, children," she said gently, lovingly, pleadingly. "Now, come on ...."
I did ask her out on one more date, hoping her demon children would be more agreeable.
Ten years (and one marriage) ago, I would have excused all this somehow, put it aside, and pressed on with a next date, because the mother, after all, was hot. No more. Well, all right, to be perfectly honest, I did ask her out on one more date, hoping her demon children would be more agreeable in their city home. They weren't. So that was that. After decades of ignoring red flags, only to sail into disaster each time, I've finally realized that no matter how gorgeous and alluring the new stranger is, you have to quit when a red flag goes up. As soon as it goes up.
Full article here Meow.
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