LUST & A WHOLE LOTTA LOVE

Excuse me if I sound like an old-fashioned mama. But I am one of those who believe in the one-man woman and one-woman man concept, even though here we are in the 21st century.
To me, some values don't change with time. No matter what.
I don't know why it is such a big deal for some people, usually men, to remain mono-amour.
Is it so difficult to be faithful to one woman, the woman you love.
That's why sometimes I think I live in another time, in another place.
Despite the fact that I have seen infidelity all around me, I still hold on to this mono mono love-lust thing.
Ok. Take mon amour, Antonio.
He says I love you to moi like a thousand times a day. I am his only love, he says. Man, I sure as hell, believe him.
You can feel these things, you know. You can feel the love, the l u r v e. Yes, baby, the l o v e.
And the lust too. Ooh... the lust.
But, the question is -- am I his only lust?
There are things about Antonio and moi that I cannot reveal. Must not. Surely not in this open global diary of mine. Suicidal. Aint right. So, I shall keep some things out of the picture.
I write this blog as a therapy. Catharsis. Panacea. Letting it all out.
For many reasons, I don't confide in anyone about any problems of mine with regards to my love and life with Antonio.
People think we have no problems. Two people so in love and clearly in lust. Ouch.
Well, we don't, in the strict sense, have problems as other couples do.
My issue with Antonio is only one -- trust and fidelity.
I had never doubted his fidelity and had always trusted him. That is, until a couple of years ago.
Oh, he did something, in my book, that is beyond forgiving. But, strangely enough, I forgave him. Something I thought I could and would never do.
Aah. Sometimes I surprise myself.
And then, things were ok. In fact, never been better. Until, late last year. Almost left each other. Yep, over the issue of that old friend of his. (And she aint even pretty! But wait a minute, it is never about looks, right?)
Nope. I insist. I was NOT jealous. I just could not understand why he could have kept it from me.
But we kissed and made up, as it were. Couldn't live without each other, you know, that sort of thing.
But, he did a silly little thing after that. He had promised me he would not meet her as planned. You know, long time no see thing.
But,he did. They met for coffee. I know. Someone told me. I even know when, where and for how long they sat.
Actually, I was ok with that. Nothing wrong, really in having coffee with an ol friend. I can understand him not wanting to disappoint a very old friend. And did I say that she is married? And actually a nice person, though I have never met her.
But, then again, serious affairsoften start with that innocent cup of coffee.
And now, this other woman. I know I should not overreact. But why shouldn't I?
He asked me whether I had ever wondered why someone would want to tell me about it now.
I know his point. My point is exactly that too. Why would someone want to tell me about him and that woman.
He denied any truth to that story. I am supposed to believe him. I do and I don't.
Either he was lying because he did not want to upset me because, really, there was and is nothing between them.
Or, there was (and is) really something and he is not about to admit to anything.
Any man in his right man will never admit to anything, right?
I am not at all accusing him of sleeping with her (as the story goes.)
How this person knew about his supposed dangerous liaison with this woman, beats me.
Really, how does anyone know if anyone was sleeping with someone unless that anyone or someone had talked about it.
Even then, how can we believe it to be true.
It is not whether I believe him or not. It is whether he had been truthful to me.
So Antonio, the love of my life -- we need to work on that trust. Because I want to be your only lust. Meow.