Goodbye Is So Damn Hard To Say!

It is. Because I have tried to say that to Antonio whenever I think that it is pointless to go on with me doubting his commitment to our relationship.

Then, I think of how much he really does love me.

Those flirtatious messages he sends to those babes or broads are just that -- flirtatious messages.
I must tell you that he NEVER ever flirts with anyone in my presence. I know, I know....the quieter they are, the more dangerous....

The thing is there is no doubt at all that he flirts because I know -- with proof. But whether, knowing that he is an unrepentant and compulsive flirt (with some women I know personally --damn him!), I'd want to remain in our relationship.

I hate myself for realising this side of Antonio only the last couple of years. How could I believe him so when there were signs already.

There was a time, I was told by a close friend that Antonio pulled her to sit beside him during a performance by a singer at a club.

She told me quite casually, but in detail. At that time my relationship with Antonio was not high-profile yet.

When I asked him about it, he took pains to convince me that it ncver happened that way, that this friend of mine, was really imagining it all or that she she simply fibbing. Well, my friend has a habit of exaggerating things.

So, I believed him.

Yet, on another occasion, someone told me about how this PR girl who "was sitting so close to Antonio at the club that she was "almost sitting on his lap"!!!!! I was so funimg inside and I asked him and, yes, you've guessed it. Antonio vehemently denied it and accused this person of really dramatizing the scenario.
And, of course, it didn't help that this person was also prone to a lot of exaggeration.

Thing is, Antonio and I have a fantastic relationship. But, I happened to havbe found out about his shenanigans behind my back. His little up-to-no-good habit of flirting with females. Not all, though.

I get the feeling that Antonio can't help flirting.

He'd flirt in his first line in a message to whoever the girl maybe. I am convinced he is a pathaological flirt. He doesn't arrange to meet up with guys, If he does, then it's a simple "see you at ****".

But with women, it's something like "hey, let me share cofffee with you sometime."

A message between him and a babe he'd just met would be:

Babe: Hi, Antonio, nice to see you last night.

Antonio: Mmmm, it was nicer for me to see you. Whatcha doing? Do you always wear jeans?

Babe: Yeah, why?

Antonio: Would love to see what's inside them. Whatcha doing?

Babe: Oh...having coffee.

Antonio: Mmmm, must be nice having your coffee with you.

Now, this is about the mildest I can give as an example. But, you get the drift.

Is it harmless?

I don't know. If a guy I've just met send me that kind of messages, I'd think he's one horny bastard.

Am I a prude?

I digress.

It is so damn hard to say goodbye.

A Leopard Never Changes Its Spots

Neither does a randy dog.

The thing about proverbs is that they were coined for a reason -- or several good reasons.

Take this one about a leopard, for instance. I so want to challenge it but, hell, it is oh-so-true. Statistically speaking.

Never mind about my own experience. Take my friend, Sofia and her long-term relationship.

She has been involved with this son-of-B for more than a decade. I have told her to leave him. But she won't because -- well, she loves him and he loves her.

Now, before I mislead you. Let me be clear. Let's call her man, Rafael. Without a doubt, he loves her. Adores her.

He had quite a reputation before they got together and went rock-steady.

She believed and still does and that's because he convinced her -- that he is BASICALLY faithful to her and has been all these years.

Like me, she "caught" Rafael flirting - in every sense of the word -- in emails/smses/facebook -- with women, some of whom are known to her.

How did she know? Well, she said it's a small world. She was told by a young woman who did not know that Rafael was her man, that he's "gatal". His "messages" to her were always laced with flirtatious undertones. More like overtones. Very over the tone.

Sofia can be funny when she's angry.

How was he "gatal", I asked.

Oh, he's always sending signals like saying she's got sexy legs and let's have coffee at BSC blah blah blah. You'd think that he's footloose and fancy-free.

Another instance was when a mutual friend told Rafael in an email that she missed "you guys" at such-and-such a place as she had not been there in a long while, his reply was -- "you guys? why not just 'you'?". "You" is Rafael. If you know what I mean.

Hmmm....very familiar trick.

This mutual friend was wondering whether Sofia was still with Rafael, seeing that he's kinda giving her the come-on. She asked Sofia and told her why. In fact showed Sofia the message.

Sofia said that that was Rafael's way of being cute and sweet to friends. Inside, she was seething.

I told Sofia not to make a habit of believing people.

"But I saw the message," she retorted.

Anyway, she hissed, that's not the point. He flirts. He is "gatal".

Deep down, I wondered, whether she had known that all along.

Sofia said she never does these things that he is so prone to enjoy doing. She never flirts.

Thre's more.

He has called a certain woman, "sexy girl".

Another instance, he had made arrangements to "meet" an American friend.

Sofia did ask him about this American friend's visit. Whether he was in touch with her. He denied. Played dumb and was so cool about it.

Sofia knew about it because this American friend had also been emailing her and told her about Rafael's "offer to meet up".

So, why did he have to lie?

I told Sofia because a leopard never changes its spots.

"Then he is a liar. He swears he's never done all that. But behind me, he's flirting like a randy dog," she wept.

That's okay, Sofia. That randy dog loves you. And, most importantly, you love that randy dog.

But, if you find it in yourself, the strength to leave him -- DO IT!

Yeah, yeah...I'm a fine one to be preaching!

About Men.....

I hardly go out evenings.

But last evening, I accompanied Antonio to a wedding -- of a friend's son.

It was at the Sheraton Subang. It's been quite some time since I've been there. I live on the other side of the Klang Valley so the Subang area is not an area I frequent. In fact, it is an area I avoid.
Never had a good traveling experience there.

So, it was with a heavy heart that I agreed to accompany Antonio to the wedding reception.

On the way to Subang, Antonio gave a run-down on this friend of his. I kinda know of the guy, heard of him but, oddly enough, had never met him. After all, I know most of Antonio's friends.

This father of the groom was a journalist who got rich for being a political nominee of someone back in the mid 80s.

He left the country to stay in the UK after a certain political leader was sacked and jailed.

Antonio was being ever so kind when talking about this guy but from what I gathered, this guy is no better than a political prostitute.

But, hey...I'm just a witch.

The groom is an accountant working in London and the bride is a doctor practicing in the UK. They both met in the UK.

What I shall be talking about is the father of the bride himself.

When I arrived at the entrance of the ballroom, I thought the host of the evening had a very young wife. She looked like she was in her late 20s or early 30s.

He looked like he was -- old. Kinda old enough to be her dad.

Listening to his speech at the end of the evening, I found out that this was his second marriage. His first wife -- the mother of the groom -- died of cancer about two years ago.

He spoke about his re-marrying when dishing out advice to his son and newly-acquired daugher-in-law.

His first marriage was a love marriage. The second -- "through a broker", he remarked. I guess he meant it was an arranged marriage.

Now this father of the groom --- a northerner from Penang (like his political master) had everyone in stitches. Including moi. Antonio was so beside himself that he had to take sips of the syrup drink. Aaah....for that cold cold Heinneken!

The lady beside me had to ask this question -- why do men never hesitate to get a replacement after their wife dies?

I smiled. I replied -- "you know....some don't even wait for their wives to die."

And Antonio who was listening, did not know where to look. He attempted a smile which turned into a lop-sided grin.

And the lady in question, roared with laughter and remarked: "Hahaa....men!"

Now, that's what I call a great sense of humour.

You Lucky Lucky KIds!

You betcha!

When I was growing up a teenager in Kuala Lumpur, there were not many places to go shopping.

We had Robinson's at Jalan Mountbatten (now Jalan Tun Perak), The Weld and a few boutiques here and there.

Then when I was in college, we had Ampang Shopping Complex, Wisma Central, Pertama and Campbell and much much later, Yow Chuan Plaza.

The thing is, these were nowhere near what teenagers have today! Just look at the choices now!

And the cinemas! Love what we have today!

I loved going to the movies those days. Especially with my sisters and girlfriends. How odd to say this. But I avoid going dating to the movies. Difficult to focus and concentrate.

I traveled abroad for holidays regularly as a teenager. So let me tell you that Malaysia has come a long way!

You kids just don't know how lucky you are!

(Please note that this posting is about a very light subject.)

Another Year, Another Day!

Me and Antonio -- oh you know him...the love of my life -- just celebrated our anniversary. We've been together like over a decade. Like, that long? Yeah, baby, that long.

Seems like just yesterday that we started out. Ours was intense from the start. Just as intense, now? Well. yeah.....sometimes.

The fire still there? Er...I'm sure it's there somewhere. But do you really need to have that fire? I mean, let's face it....the fire is not as hot but it does not mean that the relationship is cold and dead. Does it?

Don't think so.

I'm gonna just overturn all that psycho crap about what a relationship must have for it to survive till eternity.....

It's not true that sex is everything in a relationship. It is important....I think that's when you know whether the fire is still burning.

Physical intimacy is important.

Communication is not the engine that drives the relationship. Don't believe it that when you're together you're supposed to talk and talk and talk to each other. NAAAH....So not true.

And yes yes yes.....you have to keep fit and healthy so that you can cope with everything that's important to you. And you will not want to die - pffft -- before him. Or do you?

Ok...that's enough.

You know that I don't trust Antonio 100 per cent. My mama ( God bless her soul/May she rest in peace) told me never ever give your man 100 per cent -- not yourself, and not your trust.
She said that because you do not want to be disillusioned, disappointed that can lead to you being either homicidal or suicidal. Ok...the last bit is mine.

But, you know what, mama. It still doesn't work. I don't give Antonio 100 per cent and I can still feel a depth of disillusionment, disappointment and oooh.....betrayal. But I am not homicidal nor suicidal.

Heck. And hell. I still love the bastard!

Trying To Be A Mat Salleh

I'm going to sound like a real bitch. Can't help thinking aloud about how Malaysian women -- be they Chinese, Malay or Indian -- try hard to be so Mat Salleh when they have a Mat Salleh as their partner, hubby or whatever.

I'm going to generalise here but I do believe I have some basis for drawing such a conclusion.

I have been people-watching lately which is something I happen to do when I'm just with my latte for company.

Do you have any idea how mixed the next generation of Malaysians will be. Ok, I am exaggerating. At least, if these campur kids whose parents decide to stay put in the Klang Valley, are any indication.

I counted in one hour I was at Coffee Bean in Bangsar, more than 10 mixed couples -- local women and Mat Salleh partners -- some of whom were with children.

What really caught my eye was how these women either had their hair dyed blonde or shade of that, might as well have been naked or have that "exotic" look.

I swear one of the Mat Salleh guys must have married his maid. Please, I'm not being judgmental or mean. I have no opinion of anyone marrying their maid, unless of course he is already married which means that he was screwing the maid behind his wife's back before dumping his wife to marry the maid. But, that is another story.

Now, this guy's partner really looked like a maid --- my maid, my sister's maid, my other sister's maid, my brother's maid, my mom's maid.....

But, no. She was neither Indonesian nor Filipina. Overheard their conversation, She was Malay.

But oh you know what I mean.

So why do these women all try to be whiter than white. As though it's part of the deal. You have to look like a Mat Salleh...or their idea of a Mat Salleh.

But ok. Here's the thing. The Mat Salleh guys with these women? Ummm.....Naaah...I think these guys (to these women) must be really nice people with great personality, rich (that's, of course, subjective), or simply great in bed.

Or just that their skin is white.

I know of Malaysian women who'd fall for a Mat Salleh. Any Mat Salleh as long as he is a Mat Salleh.

Orang putih.

Sex Education For Young Malaysians...

I've always been receptive to the idea of sex education in school but I am realistic because I have little faith and confidence in our teachers to carry out this task.

Look around you. For a very long time, our school education system has not been conducive for this kind of subject.

So, I have long forgotten about the need to educate our young on sex and issues relating to it.

I learnt about sex by myself through a lot of reading.

Now, I see that the government will be including sex education in the national service programme.

I read about it here and here.

I think it's good. But I am still skeptical about the efficiency, capability and ability of the NS instructors.

My question is -- why in the national service programme?

You know what? I'll give them a fair chance but I am doubtful that they can pull this one off.