Has He (or She) Got A Secret Life?

What an odd topic. But I'll tell you why I'm bringing this up.

A close friend of ours just confessed that he's got a "secret" life.

Like a life his wife does not know about. Oh no no. He hasn't got another wife. Not another woman. Nor a mistress. Nor another family.

He's got little activities that he indulges in that the wife does not know about.

He's got sms friends. He's got online pals. He's got cafe latte/capuccino buddies. He's got drinking kakis.

And they include females. Actually, largely females. In fact, his secret life covers females.

Let's call our friend Zaman. Nice decent guy. Loves his wife and kids to bits.
A wonderful friend too.

And he has a secret life.

Why secret?

Because he's kept all these from his wife. She does not know that he sms-es women, chats with women, has coffee/teh tarik with women, drinks (mocktail/cocktail/beer/whatever) with women.

And he just confessed that he has "gym" dates.

I asked him about the nature of his relationship with these women. Zaman said some of them are "close" friends, others are friendship developed over time. Nothing serious but there is some kind of intimacy at a very distant level.

What the hell is that?

"Oh you know. Cosy in our smses but nothing beyond that," was his smart-ass reply.

Well, buddy. It better not be beyond that because serious, sordid and God-knows-what can develop from very innocent contact.

Trust me, Zaman. I have seen that. Don't you even think it, boy!

I told him to be careful. His secret life may explode in is face.

What kind of deception is that?

My final word of warning -- if it's a lie, sooner or later, boy. Sooner or later.

A Joyous Aidilfitri!

To my Muslim friends -- Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

Don't over-eat. Drive carefully.

Remember to buckle up in the rear seats!

Same Old Dawn...

So I take this deliberate stance to be detached from politics. But, you know what they say...politics is everywhere around you, everything you touch, everything you hear and say...

And in this great country of ours, politics touches you in every way. That's the way it is. And that's the truth.

That is why I was full of anticipation, anguish, pain, ache, joy, sorrow during days, hours and moments before September 16.

But, the 16th day of the ninth month of this year, the day that Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim promised to seize for that was to have been his BIG day when he would chart history and history would have been MADE!

Anwar was going to be Prime Minister.

But...ALAS... it was not to be. September 16 came and went as fleetingly as any other day save a few high intensity happenings. In Malaysia it is nothing short of high intensity and sometimes, high velocity.

And why was I not surprised that September 16 was not to be fro brother Anwar?

Because nothing can be that easy to achieve, even for one as clever as Anwar.
It was simply tooo gooood to be true.

Taking over the reigns of power cannot be a picnic. Cannot be easy. Cannot be so damn easy.

So, I'd like to advice the likes of Anwar and PM wannabes.....you have to do it the RIGHT way.

You cannot pay off people to join you. Damn those MPs. That ain't no democracy in progress. That's corruption, babe.

Tsk tsk, brother Anwar...you should be practicing what you've been preaching.

And damn if I have to put up with those corrupt 30 or so MPs. You're the people's representatives, for God's sake!.

Let me make my exit for I am but a humble blogger who knows not much about politics..I'll stick to writing about my love and sex life and Antonio, anytime.

And so, we have the same old same old dawn.

What's Infidelity To You?

My problem with Antonio is our definition of what infidelity is.

To him, being unfaithful is if the partner sleeps with another person/persons, or have a any form of physical relationship with another person/persons.

In his book, there is no such thing as an emotional relationship without a physical relationship. But a physical relationship can exist without an emotional one.

In my book, anything goes.

In my book, being unfaithful is having ANY KIND of relationship with another person/persons, be it physical or emotional or both.

To Antonio, going for coffee/latte or meeting up for dinner with a woman is harmless and "don't mean a damn thing".

Sms-ing, emailing, facebooking with other females does not constitute infidelity, even though those messages carry intimate tones. And to females unknown to me.

It does not mean that he does not love me, he avers. The heart is strong for me. Yeah, yeah. It's not like he was going to take anyone to bed, you see.

To me....it always starts somewhere -- an innocent coffee, lunch or dinner. An innocent car-ride, an innocent anything.

It always starts with something so innocent and innocuous.

I have seen too many relationships start from that innocent something.

I suppose he thinks differently. He thinks he's like no other and cannot get easily tempted.

However, the trouble with Antonio is that while he believes that all this is innocent, he can be quite a teaser, a flirt.

Does he realize that he is, I wonder.

Would you call other women "baby" or "babe"? "Luv", I can understand.

So, I find that sometimes Antonio's intimacy is not exclusive to me. That bothers me.

Because I am not like that.

I don't know whether I have such high expectations from a man who is incapable of understanding my commitment and conviction.

He thinks that what is important is that he loves me -- so don't doubt him.

Fair enough, you think?

I think not.....

*****sorry for the long absence from blogging. I have been away.....

Goodbye Is So Damn Hard To Say!

It is. Because I have tried to say that to Antonio whenever I think that it is pointless to go on with me doubting his commitment to our relationship.

Then, I think of how much he really does love me.

Those flirtatious messages he sends to those babes or broads are just that -- flirtatious messages.
I must tell you that he NEVER ever flirts with anyone in my presence. I know, I know....the quieter they are, the more dangerous....

The thing is there is no doubt at all that he flirts because I know -- with proof. But whether, knowing that he is an unrepentant and compulsive flirt (with some women I know personally --damn him!), I'd want to remain in our relationship.

I hate myself for realising this side of Antonio only the last couple of years. How could I believe him so when there were signs already.

There was a time, I was told by a close friend that Antonio pulled her to sit beside him during a performance by a singer at a club.

She told me quite casually, but in detail. At that time my relationship with Antonio was not high-profile yet.

When I asked him about it, he took pains to convince me that it ncver happened that way, that this friend of mine, was really imagining it all or that she she simply fibbing. Well, my friend has a habit of exaggerating things.

So, I believed him.

Yet, on another occasion, someone told me about how this PR girl who "was sitting so close to Antonio at the club that she was "almost sitting on his lap"!!!!! I was so funimg inside and I asked him and, yes, you've guessed it. Antonio vehemently denied it and accused this person of really dramatizing the scenario.
And, of course, it didn't help that this person was also prone to a lot of exaggeration.

Thing is, Antonio and I have a fantastic relationship. But, I happened to havbe found out about his shenanigans behind my back. His little up-to-no-good habit of flirting with females. Not all, though.

I get the feeling that Antonio can't help flirting.

He'd flirt in his first line in a message to whoever the girl maybe. I am convinced he is a pathaological flirt. He doesn't arrange to meet up with guys, If he does, then it's a simple "see you at ****".

But with women, it's something like "hey, let me share cofffee with you sometime."

A message between him and a babe he'd just met would be:

Babe: Hi, Antonio, nice to see you last night.

Antonio: Mmmm, it was nicer for me to see you. Whatcha doing? Do you always wear jeans?

Babe: Yeah, why?

Antonio: Would love to see what's inside them. Whatcha doing?

Babe: Oh...having coffee.

Antonio: Mmmm, must be nice having your coffee with you.

Now, this is about the mildest I can give as an example. But, you get the drift.

Is it harmless?

I don't know. If a guy I've just met send me that kind of messages, I'd think he's one horny bastard.

Am I a prude?

I digress.

It is so damn hard to say goodbye.

A Leopard Never Changes Its Spots

Neither does a randy dog.

The thing about proverbs is that they were coined for a reason -- or several good reasons.

Take this one about a leopard, for instance. I so want to challenge it but, hell, it is oh-so-true. Statistically speaking.

Never mind about my own experience. Take my friend, Sofia and her long-term relationship.

She has been involved with this son-of-B for more than a decade. I have told her to leave him. But she won't because -- well, she loves him and he loves her.

Now, before I mislead you. Let me be clear. Let's call her man, Rafael. Without a doubt, he loves her. Adores her.

He had quite a reputation before they got together and went rock-steady.

She believed and still does and that's because he convinced her -- that he is BASICALLY faithful to her and has been all these years.

Like me, she "caught" Rafael flirting - in every sense of the word -- in emails/smses/facebook -- with women, some of whom are known to her.

How did she know? Well, she said it's a small world. She was told by a young woman who did not know that Rafael was her man, that he's "gatal". His "messages" to her were always laced with flirtatious undertones. More like overtones. Very over the tone.

Sofia can be funny when she's angry.

How was he "gatal", I asked.

Oh, he's always sending signals like saying she's got sexy legs and let's have coffee at BSC blah blah blah. You'd think that he's footloose and fancy-free.

Another instance was when a mutual friend told Rafael in an email that she missed "you guys" at such-and-such a place as she had not been there in a long while, his reply was -- "you guys? why not just 'you'?". "You" is Rafael. If you know what I mean.

Hmmm....very familiar trick.

This mutual friend was wondering whether Sofia was still with Rafael, seeing that he's kinda giving her the come-on. She asked Sofia and told her why. In fact showed Sofia the message.

Sofia said that that was Rafael's way of being cute and sweet to friends. Inside, she was seething.

I told Sofia not to make a habit of believing people.

"But I saw the message," she retorted.

Anyway, she hissed, that's not the point. He flirts. He is "gatal".

Deep down, I wondered, whether she had known that all along.

Sofia said she never does these things that he is so prone to enjoy doing. She never flirts.

Thre's more.

He has called a certain woman, "sexy girl".

Another instance, he had made arrangements to "meet" an American friend.

Sofia did ask him about this American friend's visit. Whether he was in touch with her. He denied. Played dumb and was so cool about it.

Sofia knew about it because this American friend had also been emailing her and told her about Rafael's "offer to meet up".

So, why did he have to lie?

I told Sofia because a leopard never changes its spots.

"Then he is a liar. He swears he's never done all that. But behind me, he's flirting like a randy dog," she wept.

That's okay, Sofia. That randy dog loves you. And, most importantly, you love that randy dog.

But, if you find it in yourself, the strength to leave him -- DO IT!

Yeah, yeah...I'm a fine one to be preaching!

About Men.....

I hardly go out evenings.

But last evening, I accompanied Antonio to a wedding -- of a friend's son.

It was at the Sheraton Subang. It's been quite some time since I've been there. I live on the other side of the Klang Valley so the Subang area is not an area I frequent. In fact, it is an area I avoid.
Never had a good traveling experience there.

So, it was with a heavy heart that I agreed to accompany Antonio to the wedding reception.

On the way to Subang, Antonio gave a run-down on this friend of his. I kinda know of the guy, heard of him but, oddly enough, had never met him. After all, I know most of Antonio's friends.

This father of the groom was a journalist who got rich for being a political nominee of someone back in the mid 80s.

He left the country to stay in the UK after a certain political leader was sacked and jailed.

Antonio was being ever so kind when talking about this guy but from what I gathered, this guy is no better than a political prostitute.

But, hey...I'm just a witch.

The groom is an accountant working in London and the bride is a doctor practicing in the UK. They both met in the UK.

What I shall be talking about is the father of the bride himself.

When I arrived at the entrance of the ballroom, I thought the host of the evening had a very young wife. She looked like she was in her late 20s or early 30s.

He looked like he was -- old. Kinda old enough to be her dad.

Listening to his speech at the end of the evening, I found out that this was his second marriage. His first wife -- the mother of the groom -- died of cancer about two years ago.

He spoke about his re-marrying when dishing out advice to his son and newly-acquired daugher-in-law.

His first marriage was a love marriage. The second -- "through a broker", he remarked. I guess he meant it was an arranged marriage.

Now this father of the groom --- a northerner from Penang (like his political master) had everyone in stitches. Including moi. Antonio was so beside himself that he had to take sips of the syrup drink. Aaah....for that cold cold Heinneken!

The lady beside me had to ask this question -- why do men never hesitate to get a replacement after their wife dies?

I smiled. I replied -- "you know....some don't even wait for their wives to die."

And Antonio who was listening, did not know where to look. He attempted a smile which turned into a lop-sided grin.

And the lady in question, roared with laughter and remarked: "Hahaa....men!"

Now, that's what I call a great sense of humour.