Thursday, November 27, 2008

The Cheat In Him


Oh, you know how I love articles that give tips on dating and loving and how to know if you man's a damn cheat!

A recent issue of Cosmo, featured one on detecting the cheat in your man.

It ran a simple test. Check it out.

Here's point to consider -- you have to realize that just because he possesses characteristics of a mangy scoundrel doesn't mean he's actually cheating on you.

"You have to listen to your gut as well as read the clues," says Gary Aumiller, Ph.D., a psychologist and coauthor of "Red Flags! How to Know When You're Dating a Loser."

Run through this list of wandering-eye warning signs to see if your partner is predisposed to prowl... and find out how you can deal.

Dating Factor: His Background
Cheat Predictor #1
  • Was he spoiled as a kid?
  • Do his parents tend to baby him and help him out of financial jams?
  • Has he ever bragged about cheating on an exam or paying someone to write a paper for him in college?
  • If your man seems to have sailed through life without ever hitting the rough waters that rock the rest of us, beware. Privileged chaps tend to suffer from a sense of entitlement (read: bratty-boy syndrome), so he may believe that the rules don't apply to him. He's so used to getting what he wants, why should he stop now?
    "He might cheat because he thinks he deserves to fulfill all of his needs, no matter who he might hurt," says Shirley Glass, Ph.D., a psychologist, infidelity expert and author of the forthcoming "Not Just Friends: Protecting Your Relationship from Infidelity and Healing from the Trauma of Betrayal."
    "He probably has little concept of how upset you would be if you found out because he's too self-centered to think about your feelings."
    So how do you know if your have-it-all hunk has other women on his wish list?
    Glass suggests paying attention to how he copes when he's confronted with any bad behavior on his part.
    Does he regret getting caught forwarding your racy emails to his friends but feel no guilt for doing it in the first place?
    Does he blame others when he screws up rather than take responsibility himself?
    If he can't see how his actions affect others, he's not likely to say, "Whoa, what about my girlfriend?" when temptation strikes.

    Dating Factor: His Career
    Cheat Predictor #2
  • Does he work mostly with women?
  • Is he always logging in late hours, whether it be at the office, at dinner with clients or on business trips?
  • Does he make a lot of money?
  • It's great to date a guy with ambition -- and his deep pockets definitely don't hurt when he brings you pricey baubles -- but the office environment can open the door to private meetings of the carnal kind.
    According to Glass, studies show that when men cheat, it's most often with a work colleague. "Not only are people with similar interests side by side on a daily basis, but the time they spend together is usually when they're most energetic and look their best."
    Unfortunately, the bigger his wallet, the more likely your busy bee is to cozy up with an office buddy.
    According to a study conducted by Jan Halper, Ph.D., author of "Quiet Desperation: The Truth About Successful Men," top-tier guys have affairs more often than those on a lower rung, and not just because big bucks can be babe magnets.
    "Evolution has wired men to understand that the better they are at providing, the more appealing they are to women," says Alon Gratch, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of "If Men Could Talk."
    "Since testosterone is what drives men's quest for power, if a guy has achieved status, he's more likely to act on his desires." Remember that little Oval Office incident?
    But before you start staking out your guy's office parking lot, realize that a career-oriented man might just be spending time working diligently.
    If he sounds happy that you call during the day, invites you to his office and takes you to company parties, you're most likely his one and only partner.
    It's when he acts more secretive about his work than a CIA agent that he's probably taking on after-hours clients.

    Dating Factor: His Schmooze MO
    Cheat Predictor #3
  • Can he talk his way out of anything (parking tickets, rolling into work late)?
  • Does he make an effort to charm everyone -- your coworkers, your older sister, a saleswoman?
  • When you go to parties, does he insist on making the rounds?
  • Your friends and family love him, and he always manages to keep you entertained. How could you not adore him?
    But according to Glass, sweet-talkers often have a deep need for approval and thrive on attention. So what's wrong with dating a really friendly fella? Well, sometimes a smooth operator's need for the spotlight can't be satisfied by one woman's ego-stroking.
    And if he's suave with the ladies, opportunities undoubtedly arise.
    "Charmers meet a lot of women and win them over easily," says Aumiller. "So even if his intentions aren't more than friendship, they might be willing to move beyond friendship, and that's hard to resist."
    To determine if your charmer might become a two-timer, watch how he interacts with you in social settings.
    A guy who wants to play with other partners may brush you off when chatting with a new female friend or get noticeably more uncomfortable with PDAs when other women are around.
    "He should act like a boyfriend, giving you side glances when he's talking with someone else, for example, or making sure he spends at least part of the night partying with you," says Gratch. But it also wouldn't hurt to remind him how attention-worthy you are.
    When he chats up a chick in the corner, flirt with a few guys yourself. Once he sees that you have your own game going on, he'll focus back on you.

    Dating Factor: His Friends
    Cheat Predictor #4
  • Does he usually hang out with a crew of mostly single guys?
  • Do his friends encourage him to join them in just-for-men activities?
  • Do his pals have problems staying in relationships?
  • The nightclubs, the bachelor parties, the dudes-only deeds we're better off not knowing the details of -- it's enough to make any woman worry just a wee bit.
    Although boys-will-be-boys, bonding time helps a committed man feel less, well, trapped, the appeals of bachelorhood may make him long to be a free agent.
    A recent study of 37,000 men and women showed that when guys see those around them splitting from their significant others, it tends to encourage them to do the same.
    You want to believe that his buddies would have enough sense to stop your guy from canoodling with some cute club-hopper, but they won't always be on your side.
    According to Aumiller, "If a coupled-up guy's friends are all looking to get lucky, they may not only tease him about being tied down but also actually dare him to cheat. At the very least, they'll cover for him."
    Still, there's no need to ban him from hanging out with the bachelors if he's able to strike the right balance between his buddies and you.
    "He should include you sometimes when he meets up with friends," says Glass.
    Although your fella's frat pack might seem like the enemy, chumming it up with the guys (fake fondness if you have to) can do wonders for your relationship. Once you've earned their respect, they're much less likely to push your partner into prowling.

    Sunday, November 16, 2008

    The B Word


    I am so happy happy happy.

    See...little things can make me happy.

    You know how it is when you read magazines or watch television and you catch those visuals of those gorgeous celebrities and you look with envy at their smooth almost wrinkle-free faces, and of course, their so well-toned bodies.

    Well, you're not really envious. You're just wondering how they could have those almost ageless faces. Once in a while, a naughty story comes up with pictures of how they actually look without their make-up and all manner of aids to keep them looking good.

    Still, when they're made-up, they're gorgeous.

    But first, let me say that I believe that beauty is skin-deep and beauty comes from within, that all of us are beautiful in our own way and that if your heart is good, you radiate that goodness from within and you will look beautiful......

    So...back to those gorgeous celebrity faces....
    I was watching "E!" on Astro channel 712, and to my utter utter delight, a majority of celebrities, including the A-listers, ARE on or HAVE had BOTOX, to smoothen them lines....

    Can you beat that?

    I was laughing like crazeee, I tell ya!

    These celebrities -- young and old and older, male and female -- have BOTOX to help them look goooooood!!!!

    BOTOX!

    And I was envious.....haha!

    Silly silly me!

    I thank God for the face that He has given me. I will accept the lines and wrinkles with sincerity and ask for strength that I will NEVER EVER have the urge to resort to BOTOX! Amen!

    Wednesday, November 5, 2008

    Obama Is President

    I was listening to LightFM this morning, eagerly awaiting the topic of discussion. It is usually about, love, life and human behaviour. Or about money, or bad manners on the road...

    I was kinda surprised when the DJs decided to talk politics. They decided on Barack Obama's victory.

    The DJs invited listeners to say what they think about that.

    Actually, I had expected callers to talk about ethnicity and the country's premiership.

    Many of them wondered aloud whether Malaysia will ALSO change.

    If they were more honest, they would probably say that they would like to see a non-Malay Malaysian Prime Minister.

    Instead they went around the bush saying how nice that Americans have voted for a Black/African Amercian to be their President and how nice if Malaysians would do the same and see beyond ethnicity and race.

    Let me say that I am so happy that Obama is President because it shows that Americans are a-okay.

    For one racist red-neck American, there are thousands who are open and broad-minded.

    The stage is set for a new US of A. Hallellujah! as one of my favourite bloggers hollered.

    (Not to forget Rocky's post on Obama. But, aah...you've probably already read it.)

    The US has really come a long way. Who would have thought that a Black would be occupying the White House?

    How long did it take America to see beyond colours?

    The journey was long and the ride was rough. No doubt about that.

    But don't be fooled. Racism is still alive and kicking in the good US of A.

    Back to the LightFM listeners who were lamenting about the country's state of affairs i.e still having a Malay Prime Minister.

    Truly and honestly, I am fine with any kind of Prime Minister as long as he or she has the people's interest at heart.

    I'm just an insignificant blogger. The only thing I can say is that America and Malaysia share very little, if, hardly, in historical background.

    I guess we need to change many things, including the Constitution, if we want to have a non-Malay Prime Minister.

    I'm not even sure about that.

    Meanwhile....I am happy Obama is President. May he help change America!

    Monday, November 3, 2008

    A Lady Like This I Cannot Be

    Over the Deepavali weekend, I met a lady. First time that we met. Let's call her Laura.

    It was at a mutual friend's Deepavali luncheon.
    So, Laura and I got into a conversation about life, children, marriage, religion and, well, the world and the universe.
    She is a very attractive woman in her 40s. A Eurasian who's now married to a Muslim. She was married to a non-Muslim and they had two (now grown-up) children.
    She has two sons with her current husband.

    It was a nice afternoon as we finished off the marrukku. Antonio was with our mutual friend's hubby and buddies at the other end of the garden.

    Ok...what Laura told me really left me gaping like an idiot.

    She told me that she loves her husband. Otherwise she would have left him when she found out that he had an affair.

    An affair? Sex and sex?

    "You mean you forgave him? Forgive and forget? Why", I asked, in astonishment.

    "I could also not forgive him and leave him....," she replied. But she chose not to because she loves him.

    She told me that she never knew her husband was cheating on her, all those two years.

    TWO YEARS? And he he got away with that?

    She found out about it because his young mistress called her and admitted to everything. She had already converted to Islam in the hope that he would marry her.

    That's the trick mistresses use.

    Not getting anywhere after being together that long so you spill the beans so that something will happen. Doesn't matter what. But hell if I'm gonna go through this like i don't exist in his life!

    Aaah... the mistress' mantra.

    When she confronted her husband, he denied. He never admitted to a single thing that the young woman alleged. Not the lust nor the love.

    The mistress came to Laura's matrimonial home. In the presence of the wayward husband, she gave details of the relationship.

    He admitted to nothing. Laura did not react. There was no hell, no fury in her case.

    Forlorn, the mistress, left..

    "Did you believe her or him?", I asked.

    "I believe there was something. I don't know if it was an affair. Even if I cut his hand, he' deny. I also believe that he did not want to leave me. So he had to make a choice," she said.

    And Laura felt so sorry for the other woman.

    Me? I felt a little disappointed because there were no fireworks. No scene.

    Laura assured me that she saw no point in prolonging "her pain". She loves her husband. After all, he denied having had a relationship with the "mistress". He denied so vehemently.

    Should she believe the "mistress" or her "husband"?

    Laura said in a marriage, we have to always prepare ourselves to disclosures of our spouses' infidelity.

    "These things happen-lah...it's ok. we just have to deal with it. It's not the end of the world," she smiled.

    It must be the Eurasian in her. I swear.

    "Yah...maybe. I come from a long line of very stoical and resilient people," she said.

    Laura....I do too. But if I find out Antonio has been in a lust and love relationship with a babe, I don't know what I'd do.

    But I know I can't be like you. Stoic and resilient, notwithstanding.