Antonio was different from ALL the men I know or had ever known. Today, I think that I must be one dumb woman.
Ok. I am no nuclear scientist. But let me tell you I am not dumb.
That said, I think that anyone in love can be rendered, or can be reduced to becoming, completely trusting. Read: idiotic, stupid or/and DUMB.
Your brain stops working and therefore, thinking. It must be that because how could you miss "the little things"?
Love comes with trust. Or should I now be asking, love comes with trust?
I know now that that is a complete fallacy.
But how could it be? I believe in that. I practise that.
My dear Witchypoo (I am talking to myself here), this is the real, material world where most times, the line between love and lust is blurred or there is none at all.
So, that is why I am finally discovering the liar in my man.
It is not that he is a pathological liar... but wait a minute, he is. Because men are pathological liars. And he lied, pathologically.
Oh man! What am I saying?
This wonderful man I have loved so deeply is a pathological liar?
Damn. So what do I do? Get him out of my life?
Ok ok... let's not get out of control here. Let's be rational.
We all tell little white lies. But they are safe lies that dont get no one in trouble or dont hurt nobody.
It is not something we do as a practice.
Now, I don't just look, I see. I don't just hear, I listen.
And I have a good brain. I can assess things and rarely make bad judgement(s) about people and situations.
Antonio treats me well. God! Sounds like, "my boss treats me well", doesn't it?
He has to and must treat me well. I am his love,his life, his heart and soul. So, what's the big deal?
Ok,ok, ok. Antonio loves me very much. I know that. Er, except that he lies about stuff.
If I am ok with that, then I must be ok with being with him.
Warts and all. Oh well. Still thinking. Still ruminating. Still confused. Meow.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
MADCAP & MANIA
Oh! Wow. What's a woman to do when she has that awful feeling that the love of her life has been unfaithful to her?
It's like this. I'm talking about me, ok?
Me and my love have been together oh-so-long. Maybe 10 years. We are still very much in love, after all these years.
But, I think I have been pretty naive all this while. Why?
See, I pretty much lost faith when my ex-husband who I thought was so crazily in love with me, was not quite. After, 10 years of marriage, he decided to have a bit of fun -- like cavorting with his, er, staff.
No. the wife was not the last to know. Not quite true. I never suspected him of cheating because he never showed any signs of infidelity.
Ok,ok... what are the signs, you may ask? After all if you don't know them, how could you recognise them.Right?
I suppose, I would have expected him to come tip-toeing home in the wee hours of the morning, reeking of perfume. Lipstick on his shirt, maybe? Oh, you know tell-tales signs.
Nope. None of the above.
So, when I found out. it was -- hell knows no fury like moi scorned. But, I was not the last to know. Maybe, the second last.
But, that's history already. So, after that, it was difficult for me to trust men.
Then, the love of my love --- let's call him Antonio, shall we? -- strolled, sauntered, galloped, oh whatever., into my life.
Shan't say more.
After almost 10 years, we're still hot and happening.
But...many buts here. In the last couple of months, some things came to my attention. Oh you know, little things I discovered.
Him keeping in touch with a woman friend whom I don't know. Never knew they were in touch. And then, yet another woman he was supposed to have had a fling with. Was told that he exchanges (or exchanged, I have no idea) emails and SMSes with this woman, using little terms of endearments I thought are reserved for me.
Ok.Kill me someone. Why the hell should I listen to any piece of juicy gossip about my man? I shouldn't. But when you are told something like this about your man, you can't just dismiss it.
The first woman, he admitted. Just an old friend.. bla bla blah. Oh well. What can I do? Just a friend. Don't want to be a control freak.
Thing is. he has always been open and honest with me. Or so I thought. How come he had never mentioned this old friend of his.
He was to explain later that it was not important.
"What's there to tell. Just a friend. Besides, you'd be upset.I know you," he told me.
Whoa there! messy, messy,messy.
Logic tells me that there could be many other "unimportant" things that he aint telling.
Wow. Very stressful.
And I have never hidden anything from mon amour. What an idiot I was and still am.
Now, the other woman, he has denied any intimacy. Which I find hard to believe because, I was given proof of some level of intimacy..... Shan't tell how and what.
He is lying. He did not even admit to being close to this woman.
I thought, at least he need not have lied about that.
But what did I expect? OMG, my man is a damn fucking liar.
How stupid and naive I am.
But then I thought, will your spouse or your partner ever admit to any indiscretion?
Will he say, "yes, I slept with her" or "yes, I had an affair".
Maybe I am too demanding. I expect so much from a man. Because I give as much.
I had always thought he was way above the guys I know. He dont play easy to get, although I can tell you that he still has it in him to get them babes, and broads.
He has sworn, many times over and over, his love, lust and therefore fidelity to me.
And, of course, I believe him. Don't ask me why. But I do. Please shoot me someone.
I guess, in the final analysis (don't you just hate this), it goes to show that men will be men. No matter who he is or what he is.
You think you know the man you love, and for a long time, well think again.
I have to think again. Sheeesh!
And hear me roar.. meow!
It's like this. I'm talking about me, ok?
Me and my love have been together oh-so-long. Maybe 10 years. We are still very much in love, after all these years.
But, I think I have been pretty naive all this while. Why?
See, I pretty much lost faith when my ex-husband who I thought was so crazily in love with me, was not quite. After, 10 years of marriage, he decided to have a bit of fun -- like cavorting with his, er, staff.
No. the wife was not the last to know. Not quite true. I never suspected him of cheating because he never showed any signs of infidelity.
Ok,ok... what are the signs, you may ask? After all if you don't know them, how could you recognise them.Right?
I suppose, I would have expected him to come tip-toeing home in the wee hours of the morning, reeking of perfume. Lipstick on his shirt, maybe? Oh, you know tell-tales signs.
Nope. None of the above.
So, when I found out. it was -- hell knows no fury like moi scorned. But, I was not the last to know. Maybe, the second last.
But, that's history already. So, after that, it was difficult for me to trust men.
Then, the love of my love --- let's call him Antonio, shall we? -- strolled, sauntered, galloped, oh whatever., into my life.
Shan't say more.
After almost 10 years, we're still hot and happening.
But...many buts here. In the last couple of months, some things came to my attention. Oh you know, little things I discovered.
Him keeping in touch with a woman friend whom I don't know. Never knew they were in touch. And then, yet another woman he was supposed to have had a fling with. Was told that he exchanges (or exchanged, I have no idea) emails and SMSes with this woman, using little terms of endearments I thought are reserved for me.
Ok.Kill me someone. Why the hell should I listen to any piece of juicy gossip about my man? I shouldn't. But when you are told something like this about your man, you can't just dismiss it.
The first woman, he admitted. Just an old friend.. bla bla blah. Oh well. What can I do? Just a friend. Don't want to be a control freak.
Thing is. he has always been open and honest with me. Or so I thought. How come he had never mentioned this old friend of his.
He was to explain later that it was not important.
"What's there to tell. Just a friend. Besides, you'd be upset.I know you," he told me.
Whoa there! messy, messy,messy.
Logic tells me that there could be many other "unimportant" things that he aint telling.
Wow. Very stressful.
And I have never hidden anything from mon amour. What an idiot I was and still am.
Now, the other woman, he has denied any intimacy. Which I find hard to believe because, I was given proof of some level of intimacy..... Shan't tell how and what.
He is lying. He did not even admit to being close to this woman.
I thought, at least he need not have lied about that.
But what did I expect? OMG, my man is a damn fucking liar.
How stupid and naive I am.
But then I thought, will your spouse or your partner ever admit to any indiscretion?
Will he say, "yes, I slept with her" or "yes, I had an affair".
Maybe I am too demanding. I expect so much from a man. Because I give as much.
I had always thought he was way above the guys I know. He dont play easy to get, although I can tell you that he still has it in him to get them babes, and broads.
He has sworn, many times over and over, his love, lust and therefore fidelity to me.
And, of course, I believe him. Don't ask me why. But I do. Please shoot me someone.
I guess, in the final analysis (don't you just hate this), it goes to show that men will be men. No matter who he is or what he is.
You think you know the man you love, and for a long time, well think again.
I have to think again. Sheeesh!
And hear me roar.. meow!
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